I was scrolling through my Facebook feed when I noticed a contest to win “a private butler for a week”. which got me to wondering… what the heck would I do with a private butler?
This is not a sponsored post. I have never tried Boodles Gin. Heck, I don’t even like gin.
However once I saw this contest in my feed I couldn’t get it out of my mind. The idea of a shmancy butler in my messy old house is so ludicrous that it actually makes me feel like giggling. I can easily imagine what I would do with a nanny. I could definitely use a maid. But a butler….? Ha.
I am visualising some dude in a tuxedo standing behind me at attention for eight hours. He can perform sentry duty while I write on my laptop. Shush the kids away and fetch me warm cups of tea. Again this is so ridiculous that I am giggling just thinking about it.
I mean, do butlers do the dishes? Would he (or she) read bedtime stories to my kids? Would they help fix dinner? Will a butler go downstairs and set up Netflix so the kids can watch three hours of Dragon Riders: Race to the Edge?
Can he figure out why I can’t get Microsoft Office to install on my laptop? Will he cook dinner? Will he drive me around? Does he come with a car? Hmm. No. I guess that would be a chauffeur. I could probably use a chauffeur. What the heck does a butler do exactly?
I highly suspect a butler doesn’t pull weeds. That would be a gardener. I could seriously use a gardener. I am envisioning a butler following me around the backyard holding a parasol to provide me with shade and offering me cool drinks of lemonade while I do the yardwork in our overgrown mess of a backyard. Again, I can’t help giggling.
The terms for the prize state “The service will only consist of ordinary and customary butler services (for example shine shoes, mix drinks and prepare tea) and must not include any dangerous, risky, or demeaning activity.”
Well, I guess getting him to climb a ladder and clean out the eaves is probably out of the question. No jet skiing. No getting him to play mean pranks on that one neighbour I don’t really like.
Can I ask the dude for his name and then just call him Jeeves all week? Is that demeaning? Would he bring his own serving tray along. I mean if this guy is going to stand there and offer me tea he is going to need a platter to hold it on, and my house is sorely lacking in serving trays.
I asked my nine year old daughter what she would do if we had a butler in our house for a week. Her first response was, “Will he clean my bedroom?” I told her I didn’t think butlers would clean, that’s probably a maid. She asked me, “Well what DO butlers do?” and I had to admit that I wasn’t really sure. I told her to imagine a man in a fancy suit standing in the corner of the room waiting to help out. She raised her eyebrows, looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Some strange man? Just standing there? That’s creeeeepy. Can you say stranger danger?!”
I asked some of my friends online what they would do with a personal butler and here’s what they had to say:
“I always joke that I sit around with my feet up eating bon bons all day. So if I had a butler I would totally do that!!”, Shari from The Knit Wit by Shair
“If we had a butler I would get him to bring me warm chocolate chip cookies and milk at snack time.”, Katie from Little Miss Kate & Co
“I think I would get him to be a sexy butler and have him paint my toenails.”, Kim from Tales of a Ranting Ginger
Oh, also, if you were wondering, apparently the retail value of having a butler at your beck and call for one week for no more than eight hours in any given day is $5000.
In the end I didn’t even enter the giveaway. While I could imagine tea parties galore and maybe even a dinner party or two, I decided my daughter was right, having some random strange dude hang out in our house for a week would be a bit creepy.
What about you? Would you enter to win a personal butler for a week? (<– yep, that’s a link to the contest which ends July 31st) What would you have a butler do for you?