Morning tea time at my house goes something like this…
Decide that I must have a cup of tea and start to head for the kitchen. Children notice I am attempting to leave the room and begin to panic. Toddler attempts to attach herself to my skirt. Carefully disengage toddler and make a dash to the kitchen. Now, why am I in the kitchen? Oh, right, I wanted a cup of tea. Well lets fill the kettle and… Wait, where is my tea kettle? Oh, I remember… Rainbow “borrowed” it yesterday. Head back to front room and search for tea kettle. Find kettle and discover that it is covered in mysterious sticky substance. Decide maybe kettle should run through the dishwasher. Bring kettle to kitchen. Open dishwasher to discover it is both full and dirty. Move to turn on dishwasher. Hear sound of big one trying to kill the little one. Go break things up. Wonder why I am holding a tea kettle. Oh, right, I’m making a cup of tea…
Head back to kitchen. Place kettle on counter to be washed later. Alright, how about I just make tea in the microwave…. Open cupboard to find teacup. Rainbow appears at gate to kitchen and wants to know why the cupboard is open? Am I getting a drink? Could I get her a drink? Leave kitchen and go help Rainbow find her juice cup. Read three story books. Change a diaper. Realize I still haven’t made tea. Attempt to head back to kitchen. Stop toddler from pulling off my skirt. Look in cupboard. Find mug. Turn on tap to get water and… Rainbow is at the gate insisting I refill her juice cup. Fill mug with water and set it down. Fill juice cup and give it back to Rainbow. Start to leave the kitchen, but remember I’m trying to make tea. Turn in circles looking for mug. Find it on counter. OK, how long to boil a cup of water in the microwave? Let’s try two minutes. Turn microwave on. Hear strange sound and realize I don’t know where the baby is. Find baby in her sister’s room stuck under train table. Rescue baby. Realize she is due for a nap. Bring her upstairs, nurse her and lay her down for her nap. Head back down stairs and rescue the cat from Rainbow’s loving attention. Realize I could really use a cup of tea.
Head back to kitchen, where water is now quite cold. Reset the microwave. Stand in front of microwave waiting for water to boil. Hear doorbell. Run to answer door. Claim package from Fed Ex guy. Check out package. Head back to kitchen. Hm, water is warm… maybe I need to put it back in the microwave. Let’s try three minutes. Wait, I think I hear the baby… Head upstairs and grab baby. Change diaper. Play on floor with girls. Rainbow asks about lunch. Head back to kitchen. Make peanut butter sandwich. Remember that I was boiling water for tea. Water is now quite cold. Microwave it again. Cut up fruit for baby. Remove water from microwave. Open cupboard to grab teabag. Realize Rainbow is attempting to share her peanut butter with the cat. Rescue cat. Baby wants more fruit. Cut more fruit. Notice mug of now cold water. Place back in microwave. Hear microwave beep but get distracted with attempts to keep baby from putting melon in her hair. Girls are finished eating. Fetch washcloth and wash faces. Bring girls back to front room. Remember I want to drink tea. Head back to kitchen and grab mug from microwave. Water is nowhere near boiling. Decide it’s good enough. Open cupboard to get teabag. Grab canister and… Rainbow is yelling for help in the bathroom. Aid in “potty emergency”.
Head back to kitchen where now cold mug off water is sitting on counter. Contemplate placing teabag in hot tap water. Return mug to microwave for umpteenth time. Stand in front of microwave waiting for water to boil. Decide just standing there is silly. Start to empty dishwasher. Hear strange sound. Find baby has managed to open door to computer room and is under the desk playing with cables. Realize that what I really need is a cup of tea. Head back to kitchen and grab mug from microwave. Grab tea bag and… Phone rings. Make a mad dash to grab phone. Hang up on automated message telling me I’ve won a cruise. Help Rainbow get her crayon box open. Wonder why I am holding a tea bag. Oh, right, I’m making a cup of tea…
Attempt to disengage toddler from skirt. Head back to kitchen.Water is nowhere near boiling. Decide it’s good enough. Place teabag in water.While waiting for it to steep get distracted by sound of little one trying to kill the big one. Go break things up. Realize it is Rainbow’s nap time. Get Rainbow into a “naptime pull-up” and read story to her. Grab Rocket and head to front room. Sit down and remember I had a tea steeping. Go to the kitchen and grab what is now a bitter over-steeped ice-cold tea. Decide I don’t care. Drink it in two gulps, right there standing in front of the microwave. Find myself thinking it would have tasted much better hot. Contemplate refilling mug and making more. Hear sound of baby attacking cat in front room….
Total elapsed time to make and drink one cup of tea, six hours and forty-two minutes.
Photo #1: Patrick George
Photo #2: Paul Walker
This is hilarious. And sounds familiar. Why do children panic when mommy leaves the room, but don't even look up when daddy does? So not fair, I just want to pee/get a drink/breath for a minute in peace.
this is so my life. if you didn't live it – you could never understand this. But what really strikes me is that it would never happen to DH. If he wanted a cup of tea, he could make it and just shut out all the sounds around him. amazes me. Can't you hear the baby crying and the other 2 screaming?, I say. YES, I can hear them, I'm just in the middle of making tea. I'll deal with them when I am done. Why does it never occur to us to make them wait? To do something for ourselves first. Loved this.
LOL this sounds familiar. Great story telling.